The Wine Library

A few pictures from my wine tasting trip!

V. Sattui was one of my favs!

Listening is Important

I decided to start today, Monday, by sharing a life-changing, journ-worth entry. Hello blogging world :)

I have been working on myself like crazy lately. By this I mean that I've been focusing on bettering myself and strengthening my relationships with others. I have been craving a strong, grounded life and although I may come across as someone who has their shit together, I still have so much on my mind I'd like to figure out. The trick I've learned is that I have to do it step by step, not all at once.  My mind has been crazy, constantly thinking, processing, analyzing life and my future, until now.

My first stop begins at listening; my ability to effectively listen to those I love and care about. 

Consider a time you've felt like you have tons of family and friends around you, a great job, you generally feel very blessed yet you still feel 'alone' or detached a bit? I have been trying to get to the bottom of why I feel like this and I may have the answer! At least, I think I've found a great start ;)

Listening Blocks - 10 things that you may or may not realize you do when listening to friends/family/acquaintances - they could be "blocking" your ability to effectively listen.

Do any of these listening blocks sound familiar to you?

1. Mind reading. [Assuming you know what the other person feels and thinks without asking.]

1. Rehearsing. [Planning what you want to say next and missing what’s being said now.]

1. Filtering. [Listening only to things that are relevant to you and ignoring the rest (even if it’s important to the other person).]

1. Judging. [Evaluating the other person and what they say rather than really trying to understand how they see the world.]

1. Daydreaming. [Getting caught in memories or fantasies while someone is talking to you. Maybe something they said triggers a memory that you have of a time you've experienced the same. At this point, you stop listening to the other person.]

1. Advising. [Looking for suggestions and solutions instead of listening and understanding. Before you get a chance to really listen, you've already formed a response or advice to respond with.]

1. Sparring. [Invalidating the other person by arguing and debating.]

1. Being right. [Resisting or ignoring any communication that suggests you are wrong or should change.]

1. Derailing. [Flat out changing the subject as soon as you hear anything that bothers or threatens you. Common to use a form of humor or a job to change the topic.]

1. Placating. [Agreeing too quickly (“I know …you’re right…I’m sorry”) without really listening to the other person’s feelings or concerns.]

Guilty??? Not to worry because I am too! Being aware of your own habits and these 10 blocks can help improve your listening skills. To me, the best gift you can give someone is the gift of your attention.

The article I snagged this from can be found here, however I strongly urge you to check out the book which opened my own eyes. 

Messages by Matthew McKay

"It is dangerous not to listen! You miss important information and you don't see problems coming..."